And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
