New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ugly people sure do ruin things
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
