Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
