ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
