Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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