Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
