Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
