he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Are we still banned from the library?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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