He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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