Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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