even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
