Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
