i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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