the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
