U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
