please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
