When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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