I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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