his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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