you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
