Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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