Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
