apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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