I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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