A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
