There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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