Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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