i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
