If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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