Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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