It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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