on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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