he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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