I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So vagazzling was a success
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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