Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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