i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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