margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
