So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
is it fun? or sober?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
