His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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