Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
