Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
