Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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