how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
