I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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