grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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