Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
