Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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