Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Please don't give away my fajitas
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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