No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
