i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
