He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
