can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize