I can text with my tongue
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
