she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
