theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
