I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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