i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
