No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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