He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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