You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
