If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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