I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
