he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
