Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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