i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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