I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
