Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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