Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
