we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
