Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
