saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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