how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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