Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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