life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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