I heard we made out
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize