these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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