my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We need a shit load of segways right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize