I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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