His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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