Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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